My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
