I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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