why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
