Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
