i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
