I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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