I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
