when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
