wakey wakey hands off snakey
no you cant smoke seaweed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
