Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
