i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
