just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize