1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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