You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize