someone owes me an orgasm
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
