ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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