I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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