Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
