before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
