dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
