All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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