Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
