After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
