capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
What drink are we having for lunch?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
