do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
