Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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