Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
