You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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