My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
