I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
