he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize