So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
