The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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