yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize