in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
