I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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