No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
