I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My feet surprised me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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