There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
