I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
