did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
