Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
