So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
