I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
