You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am never drinking with the goths again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
