I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
