I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
