her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
