Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We need to get me chipped asap
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
