When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
