having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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