I just made out with a guy for $7.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I had to cum in my sink.
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