I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
