Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You took a bar mat shot.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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