I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize