At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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