so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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