The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
