i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
