how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
