i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
