Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
