He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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