he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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