I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
