as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
