I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
