My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
