now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
