people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
