where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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