whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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