I have demons in me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
