i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
