Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
