Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i drank out of a bidet.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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